And being true to herself.
Growing up, I learned that Auru and writing are inseparable. I love writing ever since I was a kid. I fall in love with the process of expressing my sensitive nature with words, and how I put myself naked in a piece of paper -or in a white screen- I love reminiscing the old memories as I keep them alive. While I believe that I am not superhuman, and I forget things easily, I still want to keep them forever.
By writing, I feel free, honest, and authentic. Writing is a creative process where I learned to stop putting too much pressure on. Sometimes I can’t use beautiful words, I make grammatical errors here and there, both in my native language or in English. It was scary to put my words out there. I was a perfectionist who was really scared of making mistakes, to the point I would loathe myself for something minor. But I learned that writing can be my process of healing. Of letting things go wrong, of setting my traumas and sadness free, of being human.
For me, writing is a way of me accepting myself to be vulnerable. Of accepting that I am mortal and full of flaws, but I am still beautiful.
Writing is also a way for me to let go of other people’s validations. I am valid, with or without all that praises or number of likes.
I love writing, but I learned that using it as a source of income can probably kill the spark that has always been the reason why I keep going. I’m scared. I’m scared to take the risk of losing my sentimental self, which is highly attached to my writing.
I may write more than as a hobby, someday. But not today. I need to be more mature to stop feeling too much attached to my words and stop treating them like my children.