I wasn’t born with huge lucks, as many people out there were. I have so many flaws, that oftentimes make me hate my life so much.
I was a person who didn’t even have any confidence at all. I couldn’t find any positive side of me, and since I couldn’t show off, no one could really find it.
Yeah, almost.
I was a coward, especially in my school. I couldn’t really speak up, I was too shy, and actually being a club leader was really out of my character. Basically, I wasn’t that shy. But since my image at first was “an introvert”, “a shy girl”, things like that, it was kind of awkward to suddenly speak up, etc (ok that all was actually only in my mind). Okay, moving on.
I don’t have so many friends. I can’t build a great relationship with others. I don’t have the power to speak up on something.
I’m not really smart, my score was actually pathetic, I couldn’t really catch up on science nor math, thus the struggle was really painful.
In the place with high standards and expectations, I can’t stand out at anything. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t say that I’m dumb at everything. I’m just—
Average?
I’m just a common girl with common abilities, not a brilliant nor goofy. It sometimes makes me really gloomy. Why can’t I stand out at something? I want to be able to do something that makes me special.
A few times ago, I read a book called Totto-chan’s Children by Tetsuko Kuroyanagi. She was a UNICEF Goodwill ambassador for 1984—1997. That book definitely blew my mind. That was about Tetsuko’s goodwill journey to the children around the world, especially the place with a miserable condition such as drought, war, and more.
Somewhere out there, there are so many children who don’t even have any power to cry, to smile, moreover haven’t even taste milk. There are so many people out there who can’t even live peacefully, and there are actually so many Africans never see animal except dying bird or fly.
There are so many people who only want to be able to continue alive,
And they never complaining,
They keep continue their lives with such horribleness and wishing good for each other.
It made me cry a lot, and it slapped me really hard. I never realize how I keep wasting all the resources I have, and how I am surrounded by so many beautiful things.
Things that I’ve been learning to be more grateful for:
- Getting enough (or even many) foods
- Surrounded by clean water
- Health and I’m grateful to be born without any disability
- Fresh air
- Being able to live peacefully, without worrying about terrorism, or war
- Comfortable home without paying rent
- Good quality education, plus additional courses
- Living in rich land, with lush neutral soil, with tropical rainforest, and low-temperature amplitude
- Harmonic family
- Amazing conducive circumstances, include amazing friends
- And so much more
I started to love my life, with all the beautiful things I have, and being more aware of how lucky I actually am. I started to give thanks to my friends more, for accepting me as I am, for teaching me so many things, for their part of my journey without they even realize. Simply, I’m grateful for their existence. Even though it needs lots of courage, and sometimes it’s really awkward, I just try to be more aware.
I started to thank the earth, for giving me so many resources to continue alive. I started to be more aware of the environment, I started to love animals more, I started to be a more decent human being.
And the most important,
I really thank God for all the opportunities I have, for Giving me this awareness, for Giving me chance to be a better self. Thank God for giving me chance to live.
I’m grateful for being able to take a deep breath without any difficulty.
Thank you 💕
-Auru
Alteirauru's 