It was a Middle day of September 2017–Sunday
It was a day when I did my second test on my course. it was quite important for me, and I really wanted to do my best. I want to get a better score than my first test, since my first test was too average. I tried my best to prepare it even though I wasn’t sure at all. I studied all day long, I reduce my sleeping time, I woke up earlier to study, and really I’ve tried hard.
I promised myself not to see the result nor the rank of it. But, after I’m done with that test, I did it. I really did it. I saw the score, my rank, I even saw which page my name had sorted. And I was speechless. My score has extremely decreased, my rank fell down, and my name was on the 3rd pages.
that.was.a.nightmare
I fell down on the floor, I started crying, I was really faint that time, like—
I’d prepared my best on it, but still, it wasn’t enough. I slightly thought I wanted to give up. I didn’t want to do my best anymore. I was really afraid of fall more.
I was frustrated, I fainted, I didn’t even find any urge to get up on the next day. And I skipped school, I slept.
When I woke up, I was a bit better. Then I checked my Instagram and found one of my smart friends who get a quite high score (at least for me) was complaining about her life. She told me that her mom got angry at her because she couldn’t be the first (or at least top 10) at that test. And my mind started comparing her score with me, and it made me fall deeper. I was more frustrated because of her.
A few hours later, when I met my mom, I told her everything that happened to me. She smiled, then she said, “It’s okay, you’ve done your best. That’s not the end of the world. Raise your head, get up. Try again.”
I was quite thankful that my family was really supportive of me. They didn’t force me to get a perfect score, nor to be rich. It helped a lot sometimes, it made me believe that I still have one place where I don’t need to feel anxious nor insecure, there’s somebody love me unconditionally, whether I succeed or not, and I finally realize that I must gratitude of it.
One of my friends, she’s smart, good at sport, and she is kind. But her family is always pushing her to get a great score, great university, and get rich in order to pay all of her little brother’s education fee, she asked to fund her family’s life since her father will get retired soon.
And the lesson I’ve finally learned is, everyone’s deal with their own problem. I have academic issues, probably. But I have such a great family who doesn’t force me to get a perfect score. My friend might be smart, but she must fund her family’s life, and one of my other friends might get a good score, but she has a strict parent who wants her to be perfect at anything. Everyone has their own trouble, and they need different resources as well. I wasn’t born to be smart, because perhaps I don’t really need it. I still can survive my life with my own resources, I have enough things I need to deal with my problem, and now I just need to keep exploring, creating, growing, and do my best. I don’t need to compare my life with others, because we deal with different matters, and we have enough things we need to survive it all.
Hope you can get what I mean, and have a nice weekend^^
– Auru
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